Leavin' you a bit of Sunshine

Bar exam woes... already

2011-09-21T15:41:00.001-05:00

Mark: "Why don't you let Jesus take the wheel?"

Me: "Why don't I let Jesus take the bar exam?"

Young love

2011-09-14T19:41:00.002-05:00

I just came across my 16 year old nephew's PDA via Facebook. It was so...

Well, let's put it at this:

1) It's against everything I stand for. But yet, it's slightly adorable that he hasn't been tainted by a bitterness towards relationships.

2) The fact that he is in a relationship and I am not... I still don't know how to respond.

3) I feel as if I am still meeting my duties of an uncle by Facebook stalking the crap out of him. I don't know what duties it actually fills, but I am sure there is some new written guideline I am meeting with the creation of Facebook in the past 10 years.

Hoop earrings?

2011-08-11T19:55:00.002-05:00

I just saw a man. I thought he was wearing hoop earrings. I thought it was odd. I looked more closely. They weren't hoop earrings. They were ear gauges. I am pretty sure my entire fist could fit through one gauge.

Vomit.

Totes abbrevs

2011-07-04T23:03:00.003-05:00

If anyone has a convo with me, it gen involves an abun of abbrevs. I was looking through my phone to see which words my phone had to accept. Here is a non-exhaustive list:

Appropes (appropriate)
Bellig (belligerent)
Biebs (Justin Bieber)
Bish (Bishop)
Cals (calories)
Deets (details)
Delish (delicious)
Evs (ever)
Fabs (fabulous)
Faves (favorite)
Glor (glorious)
Gorg (gorgeous)
Hilar (hilarious)
Jeal (jealous)
Natch (natural)
Obv or obvs (obvious/obviously)
Perf (perfect)
Probs (probably)
Rando (random)
Sesh (session)
Sitch (situation)
Totes (totally)
Uje (usual)
Vids (video)
Welc (welcome)

I don't really know how else to say this...

2011-06-21T22:48:00.003-05:00

But my sentiment towards engagements and the ridiculous spectacles surrounding them only tend to make me more frustrated at the people who post ridiculous cliches and vomit-producing statements via Facebook. Moreover, I am concerned for the future married couples about to be wed.

Have mercy.

Faturday is a special day

2011-06-18T23:06:00.002-05:00

It's the day we get ready to eat whatever we want...and worry about the consequences on Monday morning.

Whoopsies.

A word to the engaged

2011-06-16T22:52:00.003-05:00

I would just like to remind those who are engaged one thing: just because you are engaged, doesn't make you a pro at dating or dating advice. So please, stop being so open and willing to share your thoughts and insights.

And please stop dropping the "fiance" bomb every chance you can. I've got the point.

A message from Japan

2011-06-06T23:26:00.002-05:00

Japan called me looking for your pleated pants. They said after all the natural disasters all of their fans were destroyed and they'd like the spares that were placed on your pleated pants.

Please return your Japanese Fan Pants and buy some flat-fronted slacks.

High class junk food

2011-06-05T23:29:00.003-05:00

I am craving potato chips. I just have regular potato chips left over from a barbeque. But I don't really like potato chips anymore unless they are are salt and vinegar... specifically from Jimmy Johns.

I am contemplating dipping these regular potato chips in vinegar. That's how desperate I am getting.

I have high standards for my junk food. I also blog about food far too often late at night.

27

2011-05-26T23:38:00.002-05:00

27 is good. Although, I am not liking the thought that people can start referring to me as someone "nearing their late 20s." That kinda scares me.

And if I hear you refer to me being in my late 20s and still being single, expect a punch in the face.

New Life Goal

2011-05-25T20:46:00.001-05:00

Become a silver fox.

Nothing else.

A platform for a better smelling America

2011-05-17T22:55:00.004-05:00

Sometimes a shower, good teeth brushing, and a phone call from a friend leave me feeling refreshed. OK, not just sometimes...all the time. Call me strange, but these three things are possibly my favorite things to do. Wait, add baking to that list.

But I seriously have my best moments of reflection and answers to life lessons during these times.

Am I alone in this? Anyone else gain their greatest ideas in the shower? Legit, I have some of the most profound thoughts happen while I am in the shower.

Enough about my showering. But, here's to my platform for good personal hygiene. It will cause world peace, bring an increase in applications at the US Patent Office, and will help me so I don't judge you by sight or sound.

I now announce my candidacy for President. Platform 1: Daily showers are required. Platform 2: Rid the world of pleated pants. Platform 3: Make Diet Coke with Lime the official drink of the United States of America. Platform 4: Require the former Miss South Carolina to take Public Speaking and Geography. Platform 5: Have Rebecca Black teach pre-schoolers her song "Friday" so they know the days of the week.

Late night cravings... round 1 billion

2011-05-14T23:44:00.002-05:00

My late night eating habits the past month or so have gotten out of control. I crave the most random stuff late at night and have no self-control to avoid eating whatever I am craving. Let's go down the list from most recent to distant cravings.

1. Maple bars from QT.

2. Hummus

3. Hummus

4. Peanut Butter

5. Peanut Butter with Pretzels

6. Jimmy John's bread

7. Jimmy John's bread with butter

Mind you. All of this eating occurs between 10 PM-3 AM. And yes, I have woken up in the middle of the night craving something and chose to eat it. Even though I know it is against my better judgment, I go through the process of taking out my nightguard and brushing my teeth again. I am anticipating the purchase of a pregnancy test for myself if I keep this up.

Rapturic encounters of the AM radio kind

2011-05-11T00:18:00.004-05:00

So you know how the world is supposedly ending on May 21st? Well, I don't support this message... hence why I am saying "supposedly." A really far fetched supposed. Well, I wanted to get all the deets from this Family Radio Organization that was claiming such an event. So I tuned into the radio station associated with this rapturic event.

The results?

Total disappointment.

I was waiting to hear some ass-kicking sermon trying to terrify me or to convince me that I was not prepared. It was so anticlimactic. Absolutely nothing. Just random music coming in on a really crappy AM station... meaning there was some high-pitched noise. Unfortunately, the only redeeming factor was the high-pitched noise...that's gotta tell you something.

So, up until the end of the world on May 21st, I will be posting. I also look forward to tuning into the radio on May 22nd... I am hoping that will bring about more exciting sermons.

Welcome baaaaaaaaaaaack

2011-05-09T22:25:00.002-05:00

Well kids, I am back. My unsincerest apologies for not posting in a while. Trust me, I had many a ridiculous story to share, but found myself unable to do so. It is just as well.

Just to update you on my life since I last posted, I finished my second year of law school. Hallelujah. Since that moment in time, I have reentered the world of guilty television pleasures by watching the third season of Desperate Housewives, aka DH-Dubs, starting the fourth season of DH-Dubs, and finally seeing the past ten episodes of Glee. Judge away.

Between my shameless television shows, napping, and occasional shopping, I am really enjoying a few days break.

Embarrassing moments of others

2011-03-29T10:15:00.004-05:00

I got this hilarious e-mail from a class-mate of mine. I can totally visualize this happening.

"OK so I just played 6 minutes of loud music in the library thinking my headphones were plugged in. NOPE. Totally mortified."

I remember a friend from undergrad once telling me he did the same thing at BYU while he was listening to Destiny's Child. Nothing better than an awkward white kid bumping to some hip-hop for the entire library to witness.

I suddenly have a strong belief that this will happen to me in the near future. Trust me, if it does, I will let you know.

I now know what West Africa feels like

2011-03-22T18:42:00.002-05:00

I kid you not. The law school has absolutely NO ability to stay at some normal temperature. It is freaking ridiculous. It is musty, warm, wreaks of horrific body odor, and makes me short of breath.

I am about to pass out. Deodorant is appreciated by all parties.

And maybe a portable fan.

...

2011-03-21T15:27:00.002-05:00

Trust me, I know I haven't posted in ages. My life is going at a very high speed and I am just trying to keep up. Also, I don't have internet. So, one of these days you'll see something. One of these days. Until that point, let me just tell you that I moved. In the ghetto. Luckily for me, my up-stair neighbors wake me up at 7:37 with a heavy bass and some good hip hop. And I've got tennis shoes at the telephone wire in front of my apartment. If you don't know what that means, it's probably a good thing. I will keep it at that.

Regardless, I love where I am at (seriously) and I am busy as can be. My bitter, pessimistic self is still in tact. Don't you worry. And to my loyal readers, thanks for sticking with me. I know I suck. And still you'll check in on me. 10 points for you.

Biebs Feves

2011-03-06T14:54:00.002-06:00

I am spending a few days with my brother in Missouri and my four nieces have a serious case of the Biebs Feves. The thing is... so do I.

A few weeks ago Tate and I went and saw "Never Say Never" a.k.a. the documentary/concert for the Biebs himself. Although Tate & I originally went as a joke, we totes cried. Really. Then Tate informed me that Ellen Degeneris owned up to crying as well. A small consolation. We were by far the oldest in the theater and I was the only male in the theater. The row of 14 year old girls behind us were singing their little hearts out.

Did I mention we saw it in 3D?
Never a dull moment or something I am too ashamed to share.

Ah, yes...

2011-02-19T22:58:00.001-06:00

Thank you Mommy Menezes.

Val...ugh

2011-02-16T01:30:00.003-06:00

Believe it or not, I don't think I'm going to go off on my anti-Valentine's Day rant. Perhaps I'm becoming more passive. Oh GAWSH, let's be honest... that's one hell of a lie. I suppose it's better that sometimes I keep my feelings of disgust, hatred, and loathing about those who post about their significant other to myself. Hence, I am ensuring that I am actively-passive about my hatred for social media changing the face of relationships as we know it. Yes, you're in love with your significant other. Yes, you want to announce to the world. The cliche "scream/yell it on the rooftops" and your blog and/or Facebook account has become your proverbial rooftop. I've got the point.

But then again, to the other extreme, I am sick of hearing "Happy Single Awareness Day." Good hell. The individual who posts anything like this on their blog or status is nearly (but not really) as annoying as the aforementioned "shout it to the world of my undying love" authors. To me, that's just screaming for a pity party. Yes, we know you're alone. And your behavior via your status is only justifying why I am not surprised you're single. Re-think that one for next year.

As for me, Valentine's Day was nothing eventful. In fact, my professor who is known for forgetting his teeth to class utilized the acronym "VD" (potentially meaning "Valentine's Day"), to discuss Venereal Disease and other STDs. What on earth that really has to do with the subject matter of the class is beyond me. If anything, it just reinforced the fact that I have a keen ability to disregard anything in the class other than sexual references and innuendos. Congratulations to me, I am certainly gaining my legal education.

Regardless, another Valentine's day has gone by. To me, it was nothing special but a day to cry out for starved attention via social media. And to that I hope that you got some. And you can take that last statement any way you please. Happy VD (in my case meaning, "Veraciously Damned").

J

2011-02-03T23:20:00.001-06:00

Once upon a time I worked at a hot dog stand, J-Dawgs. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how much I loved working there and how amazing of an experience it really was. And my boss was one of the most incredible people I'd ever met. Here's to you J and J-Dawgs.

BYUtv - BYUtv Shorts: Innovators: Jayson Edwards

A less-than-stellar member of society

2011-02-02T21:38:00.002-06:00

Tonight as I was driving home some homeless person tried to flag me down. In this instance, I decided pretending to text while driving was a good thing. I'm rather glad they didn't go directly in front of my car though. I may be willing to give the homeless money, but I will not let them inside my car.

When I arrived in my complex, not a single unmarked spot was open. So I drove around to a place where I generally don't park, looking for an open unmarked spot. Luckily, I found one. But as soon as I started to go in the spot, some old woman opened up her screen and just started staring at me parking. I parked too close to the car at my left, so in my guilt of some woman watching over me, I got back in my car and re-parked. Meanwhile, the old woman stayed on her phone, staring at me the entire time.

I suddenly really feel like a menace to society... unwilling to help the poor and being glared at incessantly by an old woman.

The Tie Insanity Continues

2011-02-02T17:38:00.004-06:00

So remember how I a few months ago I bought two matching patterned ties for Elder Bowyer and Elder Cahoon? Well, I have gone a bit overboard... and bought four more matching ties. That's right, I bought surplus. And of course, I had to buy one for myself. The funny thing is, I haven't bought them at the same stores. I have actually bought them at different stores and in different states. When I bought the last three of these ties, my mom just gave me a look. I asked "Do you think I'm crazy." There was no response. But no matter, these matching patterned ties are tying (get it) all the elders that have served here in the Winter Quarters Ward together.

Look at these beauties. What originally started as this:

Turned into this with Elder Warby, Elder Petersen, Elder Bowyer, and myself (minus Elder Cahoon):

Instead of referring to them as "companionship" ties, I refer to them as the "AP/WQ/BAMF" ties. I know, I had to come up with some name that seemed more fitting. And leave it to me to turn it slightly inappropriate.

Any my apologies, Stephanie Brady, for not buying you sisters matching plaid skirts. It just didn't seem reasonable. However, I think I made up for it the time I got up to the lecturn and lecture everyone on how they needed to sign up to feed you sisters.

Dose of reality

2011-01-23T21:02:00.002-06:00

Reality has come back. My return to Omaha was triumphant...I came back with hips about to fall off and a right foot I could hardly walk on. That you PF Chang's Marathon. Not really all that triumphant. Ugh.

And I got thrown right back into school with no sense of what I was really getting myself into. For some reason I thought the halfway mark would mean that it was going to be easier. I was TOTALLY wrong. I feel incredibly sleep deprived and feel a need to shower more often than normal. I don't really know what the latter means.

In good news, I went to Costco and spent a buttload of money. Well, that really isn't good news at all. Let's try this again. In good news, I am still bitter mid-mid-life crisis me. There that seems much better. Even better than that, I am baking banana bread. Not for me of course, it is just so therapeutic for me after a hard week.

Regardless, I am glad to be back in Omaha. Even with reality hitting me, it's a reality I love and one that I missed.

Such a touching compliment

2011-01-14T21:40:00.000-06:00

"Well i guess you aren't normal....but you aren't socially inadequate."

Thanks Mindy.

My. Gosh.

2011-01-12T20:21:00.001-06:00

I just came across this comment in my epic Facebook stalking.

"yew guyz kylled dis! iht wuz sew mahjycul!!"

Wow.

The Ten Commandments of Men's Formal Fashion

2011-01-03T21:33:00.022-06:00

The long anticipated Ten Commandments of Men's Formal Fashion are here. I'm sorry I promised this long ago and failed to write it sooner, but I find the principles to still be relevant today.

Since I consider myself to be a pro in men's formal fashion, particularly considering this blog post, I am open to going shopping to help you or that special someone in your life that just can't seem to really make formal look formal. In order to make this post aesthetically pleasing and give you an idea of what I am talking about, I have included some pictures. As much as I wanted to utilize this as a post to catch all of the violations I found in public, I simply didn't have the time or patience. But here we go.

1) Thou shalt not wear tennis, running, basketball shoes or flip flops in formal settings.

Oh heavens, you ruined all chance of formalism. I can't stop staring at your shoes. All I can think is, "Did you bring athlete's foot along with you?"

2) Thou shalt not wear white socks.

Please wear matching socks with your shoes. Black socks with black shoes. Beware of navy socks with black shoes--not always a guarantee. Stay away from faded socks. If you are going for patterns, make sure they match your shirt and tie.

If wearing brown shoes, generally any brown will work. But take a look at the shades and think, "Would this work well as a stain on my kitchen table?" At least, I would say that's comparable.

I know how much you probably want to look like Michael Jackson. But no.

3) Thou shalt not wear pleated pants.

Pleated pants, can go anywhere from having a single or quadruple pleat. Regardless, they are a huge no. I remember once also seeing that wearing pleated pants makes you "undateable." I lived by this rule long before every seeing that on television. But pleats make you look about 15 pounds heavier. They also aren't very flattering.

I like this comparison quite a bit. Do you see how the pleated pants on the left make the man's hips look mis-shapen. They also make his hips look wider. And his legs look a lot bigger in circumference. The flat-fronted pants on the right make him look thinner. There isn't too many ruffles in the front, distracting the formalism of the look.

4) Thou shalt not wear short-sleeve formal shirts.

I seriously don't think we see this happen outside Mormonism all that often. I also bet the sales for these shirts are higher in Utah, Idaho, and Arizona than any other state. But you're mixing informal and formal by wearing short sleeve shirts. And no, that doesn't mean that it is semi-formal when you mix the two. If you want to show some arm or you need some area to those forearms, buy a long-sleeve shirt and roll it up a little bit.

I'm sorry, but I can't take you seriously with that shirt.

5) Thou shalt not wear flimsy, polyester, or skinny ties.

If anyone has ever gone shopping with me or seen my closet, they know that my guilty pleasure is ties. I have an abundance. But you won't find a flimsy, polyester, or skinny tie in my closet.

By flimsy, I mean it looks like your tie was made out of a t-shirt or it has the same consistency as a Kleenex.

By polyester, I compare it to drapes or tablecloths from the 1970s or something that Maria would make play-clothes out of for the Von Trapp family.

So avoid the following polyester patterns or anything that nearly parallels them.

As for the skinny ties, those are the v-necks of formal fashion. It yells "DOUCHE CANOE." So unless that's what you're going for, run away. Plus, it makes you look either too skinny or too fat. Neither is flattering.

In this instance, he looks both too skinny and too fat. Hello skinny-love-handles.

6) Thou shalt not wear cheap formal shirts

Namely, cheap white formal shirts. Please spend the extra money for a quality white shirt. Generally, cheap white shirts end up being see through. This may be exaggerating it. But not by much. Maybe even some texture in that white shirt. Enough said.

7) Thou shalt not bring notice to the fact that you're wearing a shirt under your formal shirt in the chest area.

So for those of you who have "smiles" going on and we can see the neckline of your undershirt, please don't. Don't wear v-necks or beaters or any analogous shirts. I highly recommend a full undershirt. Some may disagree, but my eyes always immediately go to the random difference in shade that occurs because of the undershirt.

Stick with the full tee.

My only complaint here is the light shade of the formal shirt that completely shows the undershirts length. So go for a darker shirt. But this is far better than having the distraction in the chest area.

8) Thou shalt match thy belt with thy shoes.

There are few things worse than wearing a brown belt with black shoes. Or vice versa. Bad move. Let's look at some good examples.

This is a good choice. Put the shoes and the belt right next to each other, thus ensuring that they are the same color or shade.

Some consider this kind of ballsy, but white belts and white shoes are acceptable. Just be confident in wearing them and you'll be fine. But they both need to be white. And clean white if you decide to try it.

The final example, I was rather impressed by. He matched the pattern and color between his belt and shoes.

Well done.

9) Thou shalt not wear oversized suits, old suits, or suits with poor patterns.

Please, Mormon RMs (Returned Missionaries), when you come home from your mission, get rid of your suit. Don't donate it and pass on the disgustingness. Destroy it. Likely, you already destroyed it plenty on your mission. Hence why you should stop wearing it. And I understand your trainer's-trainer, former assistant to the president used to own that suit, but it wasn't tailored for you. So please rid yourself of it.

The poor-patterned suit.

Took one great concept (the pinstripe) and DESTROYED it. There is a much better way to get some color going on.

The over-sized hand-me down. Vomit.

There is nothing worse than to look at suit that makes you look 15-20 pounds heavier, like a child, or look like your attempting to find the next suit to wear in a "Dumb and Dumber" remake.

May I suggest a classy three-piece. They are generally slimming and draw attention (in a very good way). Also, pinstripes are a great pattern to shoot for. If wearing pinstripes, be careful when wearing a striped shirt also. If the pinstripes are narrow and close together, try to do similarly with the shirt. But if the pin stripes are fat and far apart, then don't mix with a close, narrow stripe in the shirt.

Be weary of plaid or complete solid, those are generally two extremes. Either too much or too little is going on. Try to find a happy-medium. If you wear a solid, make sure there is some texture to it, that sets the suit apart.

Here is a much better choice with pinstripes. Utilizing a dark colored suit with a white pinstripe, they utilized a nice color to accentuate the suit and to still draw good attention. I also really appreciate the nice use of the handkerchief. This is a nice solid touch. Just be sure it is either the same color or the same pattern as the tie.

Here is a great example of a three-piece, solid (yet textured) suit. Slimming, classy, attention-grabbing.

10) Thou shalt not wear the cuffed/turned up pants.

I love to also refer to these as the leftovers or lint catchers. Have you ever looked inside the cuff? It isn't a pleasant experience. And that's just on the inside. As for the outside view, the flow over the shoes is off when you turn the pant back up. It makes it look like a cheap tailoring job.

In hopes to give you an idea of what to shoot for instead, I found this little piece of goodness.

This illustration is exactly what you should be going for. Look at the beautiful flat front, right sized butt fit and leg circumference, and nice flow over the shoe. This is what you should be looking for, rather than lint stuck in some distracting cuff.

I am sure not everyone is abiding by these rules perfectly. If you're not, likely you are struggling with dressing formally. I just wanted to give you my secrets to the trade. And make it so I'm not focusing on all the distractions going on.

FBPDA revisited

2010-12-25T00:18:00.003-06:00

I can't wait for the day I am in a relationship and the only way I can express my affection is on Facebook and cause everyone else to vomit on their keyboard.

Actually, I'm lying. I would like to reiterate that FBPDA is a horrific social sin to commit. Why so? Because I said so. And I just dry heaved reading your ridiculousness. Please stop.

In recent events...

2010-12-20T00:40:00.003-06:00

My favorite Christmas song has been ruined for me on two separate occasions over the past month.

I will not divulge the song, but it was rather disheartening. In discussing the tragedy with a friend, he informed me that it was ruined for him at another performance and that it was good I didn't go with him because it would have made it a third occurrence.

Now that you know the context, the conversation went something like this:

"If you were here, you'd hear number three." -Friend

"Ugh. Everyone needs to stop. That song is sacred. Ruin some Santa [edited word] song." -Me

"No freaking joke. If there is any doubt, then don't do it. If you think you can do it, ask five people to confirm. If any one of them shows reservation, don't do it." -Friend

The perfect rule. Actually, no need to ask five people. Just ask me. Regardless, let's all abide by this inspired rule... Or else, I'm calling you out by name on my blogosphere.

Overdose

2010-12-16T22:56:00.002-06:00

I have overdosed on television already.

In the past 24 hours, I have watched six episodes of "Glee" and four episodes of "The Sing Off." That puts me at nearly 12 hours of television. And immediately after finishing this, I'm starting Season 1 of "Desperate Housewives" (which I will affectionally referring to as "D-Dubs).

I am slowly making up for all the television I missed this semester. Judge, judge away.

B10gging Excuses

2010-12-15T00:28:00.005-06:00

My dear, sweet readers,

I'm effing alive! I know, it's a miracle that I'm here writing a post. I am so sorry. I have had a mix of reasons why I haven't posted in a long time. Let me give you a list of 10 reasons why I haven't posted in a while:

1) I just wanted to remind you, I'm in law school.

2) Training for yet another marathon.

3) Final exams. Ew.

4) Choir concerts.

5) I may have ran out of things to bitch about.

6) Disregard 5. I have plenty to go off on. Unfortunately, it is mostly about people. Which includes people that may be reading this blog. And I'm not that low to post it. Although I have been tempted to write in the form of hypotheticals. Speaking of hypotheticals... Hypothetically speaking, I am SO EFFING excited to get myself out of Nebraska for a month because of a number of things.

7) Plastic surgery. No not really. But if I did, I'd probably get butt implants. Or my calves done.

8) My hair length has started to become unmanageable. So obviously, that takes a lot of time to do everyday. Hence, blogging is knocked out.

9) Judging people. That takes a lot of time. Not a lot of effort. Obviously. But it's been really enjoyable to do it and not feel obligated to write about it on here. But trust me, I've had some EXCELLENT moments that I probably should have communicated to you, my humble readers.

10) Church... Particularly the missionaries. Which is seriously the best thing ever. Not kidding.

I am not one to make excuses, so I'm not considering these to be excuses. To me, they're damn good reasons. So hopefully you'll start reading again regularly. And by saying that I really mean, hopefully I'll start blogging again regularly.

Hot Sweaty Mess

2010-11-23T21:40:00.002-06:00

Today I went back to my days of swimming and wore sweats the entire day. Not just any sweats... my BYU Swimming sweats. It reminds me of all those days freshman and sophomore year when I would essentially wear sweats five out of the seven days of the week. Between two sets of sweats, I would switch the pants and the hoodies. And sometimes to switch things up, I would mix in a pair of sweat pants from Old Navy or some random non-BYU Swimming hoodie. I know, changing sweats from crappy to crappy does wonders.

Then I thought, the fact that I was willing to go out in public to look so trashy was totally beyond me. I don't know exactly when I decided to get out of my "sweats every day" phase, but I sure as hell am glad that it is over. And that is probably why this year a majority of my sweats will stay in giant containers, hidden away. I will spare both of us the embarrassment.

PL

2010-11-10T23:42:00.003-06:00

I would just like to reiterate that I falsely tried to be modest on Halloween by wearing a normal Speedo brief under my old Fastskin full body suit. Behold the ridiculous PL:Why did I see the need for such modesty when I was wearing a skin-tight (very skin-tight actually considering the 25 pounds I've gained since quitting swimming) swimming suit? I have no idea.

And no, I didn't go as a swimmer or as Michael Phelps. I went as a swammer. The fact that I attempted to fit into such swimming gear with the increased weight and flabby arms only reiterates that I should give up the dream.

The dream has yet again been given up. And if you're out of college and still swimming with no hopes of going pro, you should also quit. Really.

Present

2010-11-07T22:41:00.002-06:00

My life has been crazy busy per usual. After preparing for the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam all week and subsequently taking the exam on Saturday, I am dead. Really. The only reason I'm writing this right now is to inform you that I am ALIVE. Amazing, I know.

I recognize my blog has been sucking. Here I am, writing nearly every day on this goodness and suddenly I fall off the face of the planet. Well, I've realized that at this point writing everyday isn't really a possibility. I know, I'm lame. Maybe one day.

But in true form, I may as well complain about something so you have some substance to this post. You know what is really getting to me? Girls wearing partially summer clothes and partially winter clothes. Somehow these girls think that makes autumn fashion. Umm... hell no. So girls wearing the cheerleader shorts, hoodie, and UGG boots, please stop. For all of us.

And pick one season to dress for.

And please rethink your summer clothing selection.

Supposedly it's down hill from here

2010-10-31T22:48:00.001-05:00

If that's really the truth. Hallelujah.

If not, I really don't know what to say. Big surprise?

All I know is that I just need to get through everything one day at a time. And so far, I think I'm doing pretty good at that. It's nice feeling like I don't have a billion things to do all at the same time. Sign me up for more of this.

Pleasing Courts is Exhausting

2010-10-28T22:45:00.003-05:00

My partner Molly said it best, "Pleasing courts is exhausting." The Moot Court Competition, for Molly and I at least, is over. We didn't quite make it to the level we wanted. I was legitimately disappointed. I think it's mostly my competitive spirit and I haven't done anything competitive in a really long time (two and a half years approximately). Regardless, Molly was probably the best partner I could have asked for and I will openly thank her on this blog. Molly you kicked ass. Thanks for trusting me to be your partner.

In good news, out of 84-ish teams, Molly and I made it to the Top 32. I also heard from a board member that we dominated the first round with our points, suggesting that we were at the top of those 32. I'll take that insider information for all it is worth.

Honestly, I LOVED this experience. I realized how much I love to argue orally. I mean, likely if you've interacted with me, I've done that anyways. But I love doing it in a formal setting. This further proves to me that law school was a good choice. Win for me.

May I please the Court? I mean...

2010-10-24T21:41:00.004-05:00

Fall break was anything but eventful. Besides the fact that I spent hours with Tate and Molly studying, which was mostly us complaining about the fact that we were studying. And then essentially every night I came home I either sat on the couch or laid in bed. Believe it or not, I'm rather excited to start school again tomorrow. And despite your high expectations and anticipation for the 10 Formal Fashion Commandments for men, that is being put on hold. My apologies. Considering the fact that I've been fighting off the plague, once again, my life has been pretty uneventful. Not that this blog should be my diary. But I suppose if it was my diary, there would be a much higher likelihood of people actually enjoying and reading this blog.

However, the moot court competition starts tomorrow. I'm partners with Molly. Big surprise, right? We've practically been betrothed (proverbially) to be partners since the first week of law school. You think I'm kidding? I can have both Molly and I write and sign an affidavit attesting to the fact that we've been planning this since September 2009.

Also, we've planned to start off our argument by saying "May I please the court... I mean, May it please the court." Totally inappropriate. We know. But we've joked about it so much that we're both kind of worried that we might actually say it accidentally. Such is the awesomeness of our lives.

Wish us look in our Moot Court Competition. Here's to some killer oral arguments.

(Not so good?) Childhood Novelties

2010-10-22T22:18:00.003-05:00

Remember those childhood word games you used to play?

When you would hold your tongue with your fingers and say "apple?"

Or say that banana-rhyme game? For example "Zach Back Bo-Back, Banana Fana Fo-Fack, Me-My-Mo-Mack... Zach" and replace it with the name "Buck." I didn't say it expressly on the blog, but I know you've done it before.

And do you remember how exciting it felt when you were little and you said your first swear word (until you were scathed by your parents by soap, the paddle, etc)?

I'm not saying that I don't get giddy still when I swear. I just wanted to remind you of your first time. And how hilarious it was. So novel. So risque.

I really don't know what the purpose of this post was. Maybe it's because I was playing the banana-rhyme game in my head for no apparent reason. And I just started giggling at how ridiculous that was.

"There's No Place LIke Home... Evening" by Janna McFerson

2010-10-21T21:04:00.003-05:00

FHE. Or as I like to refer to it, Freakin’ Heck on Earth. Call me pessimistic for saying so, but when it comes to FHE for a young single adult, I generally try to avoid FHE at all costs. I generally loathe it. The real acronym of course stands for “Family Home Evening.” For those of you who have not been associated with the Mormon Church, each family is encouraged to set aside Monday evenings to spend time as a family. When this happens as a family, it seems a bit easier to do when you plan your schedule accordingly. However, when many individuals leave home to attend college or start working, our families sometimes aren’t immediately around us. And so, those of us who aren’t married and are between the ages of 18-30 try to have our very own FHE away from home. In my experience of being part of the FHE program since leaving home, I haven’t necessarily jumped for joy to attend. There have been a few activities that have stood out here and there, but generally I still haven’t been the first to attend. Mostly because many of the activities seemed to be planned last minute.

However, the book “There’s No Place Like Home… Evening” by Janna McFerson is a perfect solution to my pessimism. Well actually, no. I’ll likely stay pessimistic, but this book definitely helped to change my attitude towards the whole FHE experience. Honestly, this book is sincerely entertaining. Haven’t you missed those picture books from fourth grade? Well, there are some stellar illustrations in this book from the talented Madeline Elsey. So not only is it an easy read, but it’s aesthetically pleasing. For the win!

My favorite part of this whole product? It is targeted specifically towards Young Single Adults. The books suggests a thorough guide to how to prepare for FHE, different activities to take place at each FHE, and how to best publicize and encourage individuals to attend. The process in publicizing has been simplified further by providing a compact disc full of resources. This book can at least help you plan for 52 weeks out of the year—many of the activities with a high capability of being repeated. If anything, these suggested activities can help you brainstorm to come up with a number of new activities.

As much as I want to list the activities here, that would only take away from the main purpose of the book. However, in my sincerest recommendation, this book is a must-have if you are asked to serve as the FHE chair. In so doing, you may find me attending your Family Home Evening. And in all reality, that may be the biggest success of all. So be sure to check out where to buy this goodness at www.fhebook.com or fhebook.wordpress.com.

Another video describing my life

2010-10-21T00:35:00.002-05:00

I've been watching it all week. And spread it like peanut butter on bread.

First impressions... yet again

2010-10-20T22:22:00.003-05:00

Tonight I planned to actually write the 10 Commandments of Formal Fashion. Well, I have them written, but I wanted the whole post to be aesthetically pleasing so that post is still being placed on hold.

So, in that case I want to talk about another first impression someone had of me. What was it this time? "You seemed like you were too good for the world and everyone in it."

For the win. The good news? "After getting to know you, it's changed a lot."

Once again, sometimes I wonder if I should legitimately feel bad about this whole first impression thing. But then, the more I think about it, the more I really don't feel all that bad about it. Mostly because, I consider myself to be 1) predictable, 2) consistent, 3) generally the same towards everyone. I mean, I'm not saying that I do ALL those things perfectly, but at least I don't really feel like I'm giving anyone a break more than another.

But this is also coming from the person that says he has no unattractive friends. And that I won't hide it if I don't really like you all that much. Wonderful. Maybe I am not really all that predictable, consistent, or generally the same towards everyone. Either way, I'm loving these tidbits about first impressions. So whether you've known me forever, for a day, or just read my blog be sure to tell me what you're first impression of me was. I'm totally fascinated by this.

Could someone please explain to me...

2010-10-18T23:08:00.007-05:00

Why we LOVE to have pictures of us jumping in the air? I chose some of my most recent personal favorites of people jumping in the air and I just don't understand it. I'm not criticizing. At one point I did. But now, I actually think "Oh, that's fitting for them.. how adorable." But aren't we getting a little cliche? Ok, aren't the ones who the jumping doesn't really fit the personality look a bit cliche? Here are some examples of what I think looks appropriate to jump in a picture.

Adorable. Duh. If you know these two, this is totally fitting. And even if you don't know these two, doesn't it just seem fitting? If it were anyone else, I would think otherwise. So if you don't see yourself as being similar to these two, please don't do it in your engagement pictures. Or wedding pictures. Or couples pictures. Save yourself the embarrassment. Or me embarrassing you on my blog.

The eight-time BYU intramural kickball championship team. Fitting? Of course. For two reasons: 1) look at those SICK verticals by the entire time. Impressive. 2) They just won the kickball intramural championship for the BILLIONTH time at BYU. That's freaking hard to do. About as difficult to leave BYU unmarried. Dammit.

And this one. Well, I think it's fitting because this kid is freaking bomb. Plus he's got his fists up and he looks like he's doing breaststroke kick mid-air. And he's legit. So he naturally can get away with it. You? Well, that may be debatable.

So, if you're not fitting into any of these categories, please stop taking pictures of yourself jumping. For your sake and mine.

And so you ask, do I have any pictures of me jumping? Yep, sure do.

That's me in the middle, third from the top wearing a white cap, in the final swim of my career. This will likely be the only picture you will ever see of my jumping. Because, unlike some of you, I openly admit that I do not fit into one of the categories to take a picture while I'm mid-air.

Paisley Triplets

2010-10-17T21:23:00.004-05:00

Have I told you about my recent work in helping the LDS missionaries serving in my congregation? Well, it just so happens that I'm the Ward Mission Leader so I get to work with the missionaries often. Needless to say, I love my calling for a variety of reasons. The most recent reason I love it? I get to impart all of my formal fashion wisdom upon them. Young(er) minds in need of fashion direction. For me, this is a rather entertaining experience. Mostly because now I am regularly asked questions such as "Does this tie go with with this?" or "Does this watch work with this suit?" or "Do these brown shoes go with these gray pants?" Ah yes, imparting my infinite knowledge. I have also made them aware of the 10 fashion commandments for men, which is a post that will be taking place later in the week.

Until then, I want you to feast upon these beautiful ties that I bought the missionaries while I was in Utah. They indeed are matching paisley ties for the two missionaries, but the patterns are not placed in the same part of the tie so you they don't look absolutely identical. It would just be creepy if they were identical.

And of course, I also had to wear a paisley round out the theme for the day. If you need help (or someone you know needs help) with formal fashion, be sure to check in later this week with my post on the 10 commandments of formal fashion.

That's it.

2010-10-14T09:20:00.002-05:00

I'm done. The appellate brief is in. It's out of my hands. I'm on the verge of tears based on my excitement alone. How lamesauce is that? This morning, in sweatshirt with Brigham Young University in giant letters, I even went to Starbucks to get a pre-celebratory Caramel Apple Cider. I'm sure everyone was looking at me strangely. "Why the hell is the man wearing a shirt screaming 'Mormon' in Starbucks?" It felt like an out of body experience for some reason. Weird. Here I am, rambling away. I cannot come up with one competent and single thought though. Give me a few days to recover.

My take on the appellate brief

2010-10-11T23:44:00.002-05:00

First you need to edit it.

Then you need to edit it again.

Then you need to edit the shit out of it.

No updates...

2010-10-08T00:22:00.004-05:00

...Until I am done with my appellate brief. And by done, I mean, until the effing paper is turned in and out of my hands.

My soul and anything associated with my soul has been taken by this assignment. Hence my lack of blogging this past month and particularly this past week. Until next Thursday, there will be few posts. If there are, consider it manna from the blogging heavens.

Yes yes, my triumphant return to Omaha

2010-10-04T20:26:00.002-05:00

I am alive. Barely.

Utah was amazing. I had so many incredible experiences while I was there, but was reminded that BYU is not where I'm supposed to be anymore. That in turn, made me very happy to return back home to Omaha. And now that I'm back in Omaha, I'm totally exhausted since I've been thrown back into reality. This reality has also caused me to go to bed upon finishing this post at 8:30 PM.

And to actually have nothing condescending or pessimistic to say. Don't worry, those feelings will return shortly. Or I will have the energy to articulate full sentences. Or both.

I'm going to the land of plenty

2010-09-29T14:52:00.003-05:00

Plenty of chocolate covered gummy bears.

That's right. I'm heading back to Utah for four days. I'm going to the J. Reuben Clark Leadership Conference at my alma mater. I made sure to have facial hair for the event. To be on campus without a beard card in all of my glory. Triumphant win.

Unfortunately, I won't have a lot of time to see friends or relatives. So don't take it personally by finding out I'm in Utah and I didn't see you. Trust me, I probably wanted to see you, but because it is such a loaded trip with the law conference it just wasn't going to work out.

On a super exciting note, I will be attending LDS General Conference at the Conference Center on Saturday and Sunday. I suppose that's one of the best parts of living outside of Utah--General Conference ticket availability. Although, I am taking homework with me for the weekend... blah. I wish it were completely care-free.

Despite the short trip, I must have all of these while I'm there: chocolate covered gummy bears, BYU Creamery Chocolate Milk, Cafe Rio, J-Dawgs, and well anything else I really want. I have had ZERO diet this entire week given the marathon. I've felt as if everything I'm eating is calorie free for the week. This only adds to my excitement to eating out at all my undergrad faves.

To my Omaha, folks. I know you'll miss me. But it's not like you ever really saw me anyways, unless we have class together. So, just think that I'm still in Omaha, working my ass off trying to get all my homework done and you'll be content with the situation.

Until then, happy trails. Maybe I'll blog about the weekend while I'm there! Get excited...

Even after reading about wills and running a marathon...

2010-09-26T22:27:00.003-05:00

Well kids, I'm still alive. After minimal training for a full marathon, I'm pretty ecstatic about how it all went down for three reasons: 1) I went a personal best by more than five minutes, 2) I broke four hours, 3) I haven't lost a toenail yet.

My epic nap didn't quite turn out the way I had hoped. But, I'm feeling like I'll have an epic good night rest at least. Well, I'm banking on that more than anything, because I'm pretty freaking tired right now.

Running this morning was a great reminder of how amazing Omaha is. I just love it here. The weather was absolutely perfect and it was great to run all over the city. In fact, most of the run was territory that I knew, so I thoroughly enjoyed it. Although, I"m pretty sure I won't be enjoying how I feel tomorrow. On that note, I'm going to bed.

Messages from the Missionaries

2010-09-25T21:33:00.003-05:00

Tonight I got a text message from the amazing missionaries serving in my ward. OK, actually I get text messages from them all the time. I consider it to be one of the best parts of being the ward mission leader. It is definitely one of my favorite parts about my calling.

The text message read:
"'I want to be Zach.' -Elder Cahoon"

My first initial thought? Oh, that's super nice of him. Then I thought, "who in their right mind would want to be me?" I mean, I love me. I love my life. I love what I do. But I don't know if I'd want someone else to be like me. I'd feel bad for them.

So this caused me to think about why someone would want to be me and at the same time thank the Elders for the compliment that made my day.

My reply?

"Who the h would want to be me? I need the context of this conversation. That is so nice of him. And yet so ignorant of him."

Needless to say, I feel pretty blessed to be me. To have the friends that I have. To have the family that I have. To have the calling that I have.

Oh my, why am I getting all soft-like? Maybe it's because I feel sudden death upon me with my marathon tomorrow morning. And I'm reading about wills on a Saturday night.

That's it. I quit. I'm going to bed.

Easy A

2010-09-23T23:59:00.001-05:00

You all know I love inappropriate movies. Especially with TONS of quotable lines.

This preview is EXACTLY why you should see the movie "Easy A." I've seen in twice... in a 24 hour period.

Documenting my dance moves.

2010-09-23T23:40:00.010-05:00

The following are pictures that have been tagged of me dancing over the past eight months. Don't blame Nebraska on teaching me the moves. You can just blame Nebraska on being the first to document this goodness. The good news is I've suddenly become very aware of my butt. I never thought I had one.

"Spawn of Satan."

"I'm the only one not drunk... but you'd never know"

"Throwing up the deuces at a wedding dancing on the floor with a 9 year old singing all the lyrics to Justin Bieber."

"The life of the party... even at a wedding for which I knew neither the bride nor groom."

"Another wedding dance where I neither knew the bride nor the groom with random girls in the way."

"Mormon white guy trying to show your moves.. get out of the way. And turn the sprinkler off."

No Nap=Crap

2010-09-19T21:19:00.003-05:00

I would just like the whole world to know that I got a Sunday nap today. That's the first time in a long while. It was like manna from the heavens. Except, manna doesn't really taste all that good. So it was like... German Chocolate Cake from the heavens or something.

I don't know if that will be happening again anytime soon. I'm really banking on it happening next Sunday after my marathon. I may be in a coma, so that is a VERY strong possibility. On that note, I think I'm going to bed before 10 PM tonight. Win.

Judge me.

2010-09-19T01:25:00.002-05:00

I'm up at 1:30 giving relationship advice while listening to Renaissance-ish Choral Music to attempt to learn the songs I'm singing this semester.

You can judge me now, for two reasons.

1) Who am I to give relationship advice?

2) Well, you can just judge me.

Toros? More like BORE-OS.

2010-09-16T23:06:00.003-05:00

I still have a bitterness towards Mountain View High School.

For example, a friend of mine posted as his status something regarding the wretched institution. Of course, the conversation between four individuals made its merry way in arguing which graduating class was better (because it matters still, of course... gag me).

Without any names, the conversation looked a little like this:

"thats why '06 is bettttttttttter"

"Sike 06 is even worse then 07! Thumbs down!"

"your gay."

"Your 06!...Explains itself!"

"Its 'you're' point proven. '07 for the WIN!'

My written response?

"Obviously neither '06 or '07 (or any year for that matter at Mountain View) is better. No one can use apostrophes or spell 'you're' correctly."

And that is only a start.

Such a hot commodity

2010-09-15T23:06:00.004-05:00

I've been told twice this week by different readers that they couldn't go to bed until I posted.

Really? You fall at my words? You seek for more? You honestly want to know my opinion?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

OK, just kidding. The all caps may have been a bit too dramatic. Big surprise. Actually, this all goes to show that I'm practically a modern icon. Even a "Dear Abby" if you will. Except, no one writes me for advice, I just give it. And no one asks me to bitch, I just do. And you still read. And you better be taking my advice.

My advice for today readers... Naps after 7:30 at night are completely acceptable. Just be willing to accept the consequences that you may stay awake late at night and be unproductive.

Random Stomach Pains

2010-09-15T00:03:00.002-05:00

So the whole marathon thing is on a roll. The Omaha Marathon is less than 12 days away AND I just signed up for a marathon in Arizona when I'm home for Christmas break.

Sadly, just thinking about them makes me want to vomit. Not because it makes me sick but because I'm anticipating feeling sick to my stomach while racing. I had a similar feeling when I'd swim the mile in meets. It would always hit around the 800. Ugh. Not a good memory to recall really. It's not a pleasant feeling, but when you don't vomit it's what makes you feel successful. Well, that and maybe a medal.

What I'm trying to say is running 26.2 miles without vomiting will be a highlight of my life. Goal completed. Done. Dream big.

Post Comment Here (and there... and there)

2010-09-13T18:49:00.003-05:00

I love comments on my blog. That's not be begging for them (ok, it kind of is), but I love them. In fact, I love them so much that I wait until I have about 20 comments to approve and them approve them all at once to make me feel more popular.

The only problem? My phone and my email are connected and when I have the comments published, my phone goes crazy. But it's the small price I pay to have lots of comments and feel so important.

Some may come and some may go

2010-09-11T22:34:00.002-05:00

Do you want to know the best part of living in Omaha? I seriously get to see anyone driving from one part of the country to the complete opposite. Within the past year, I've had at least four close friends who have been driving through.

Without fail, one of them says "Wow, Omaha is actually pretty nice." Well, DUH. There is no way in hell I'm moving to some third-world state (aka, Oklahoma, New Mexico). I at least have some standards for where I want to live. Give me some credit here people.

Regardless, I'm happy to see them. What I'm really trying to say is: 1) you're a bad friend if you haven't come to visit me in Omaha, I have high standards and you're not cutting them. Just kidding... sorta. 2) If you're ever in Omaha and I legitimately know you and feel comfortable enough to let you sleep under the same roof, then you have a place to stay, 3) I will give you Gummy Vitamins, Diet Coke, and Animal Crackers in a never-ending supply if you come through here, 4) You will see that if you've lived in Utah, you have never really left Utah when you're in my complex, 5) You can meet my friend Laura who I know for a fact is waiting for me to update my blog as I type.

So, come to the Midwest. Come to Omaha. Come visit ME! And if you say I live in Oklahoma, I'll defriend you on Facebook.

"Lamb of God" Update

2010-09-09T17:59:00.001-05:00

The first shows are happening this weekend in AZ and the CD is finally getting released! So excited. You can buy all the goods at www.spiremusic.org.

But here's a little preview to get you all excited as well! (Look for me in the video!)

Sometimes I Do Nice Things... Sometimes

2010-09-08T22:26:00.004-05:00

So the missionaries serving in my ward have had a little issue with being sick the past little while. One of the missionaries, I swear, had been sick for two or three weeks. I guess while he was sick, he got text messages and phone calls galore from everyone in my congregation making sure he was ok.

Of course, his companion was jealous of the attention (I would be too) and said to his companion and I, "when I got sick, no one ever texted me!"

Well, guess what? This elder got sick. So I went through all of my phone contacts attempting to find everyone who was in my congregation and told them to text this missionary.

Who said I wasn't a good ward mission leader?

Where is Sarah?

2010-09-06T21:37:00.003-05:00

I recognize my blog has been struggling. You can blame it on the fact that my apartment has been internet-less for five days. I feel like an orphan, looking to each home to find internet. I've tried to steal some of the neighbors networks, but the only open one (of course entitled "Linksys") gives me one bar.

So here I am, blogging at someone else's apartment...feeling like a child who has no home. I almost feel that I should get a commercial because of my needs and have someone sing a song in the background. I'm envisioning it right now. Pictures of me going across the screen holding my computer with Sarah McLachlan-esqe background music. "Angel" would be a bad choice, everytime I see that damn dog commercial I am half tempted to call as I'm sobbing. I need something less dramatic. Thoughts on a theme song?

In more unrelated news, my car was tagged today with those window markers. My guess? Teenage girls. I should have taken pictures of the damage for you. But the front window said "hello puppet" and the back window said "U Suck." Then the passenger side window had some nonsense letters written across. It was ridiculous.

How did I guess teenage girls? More specifically, I'm guessing age 11-12.

1) Their handwriting sucked. I feel like most teenage girls get into their cutesy handwriting phase at 13. It was getting there, but not fully matured.

2) The fact that they utilized just the letter "u" to say "you." That is quite possibly one of my biggest pet peeves and what is leading to less-educated society. Illiteracy at its best. Thank you texting.

3) The absolute nonsense letters that I think were the initial for a junior high.

Thank you for joining me.

2010-09-04T01:41:00.002-05:00

Sometimes, I've wondered if there are other 26+ year-old-single-swearing-law-student-Mormons anywhere to be found. Since being back, I have found out that two others have joined the ranks. Words cannot describe the excitement that I feel. WELCOME.

Running in the Storm

2010-09-02T22:28:00.002-05:00

Omaha has had some interesting weather the past few days. With tornadoes surrounding the Omaha area, it led to some crazy rain, thunder, and lightning storms. To me, that's screaming for the perfect run. So a few nights ago, I laced up my running shoes late in the evening during one of the most incredible storms I've witnessed while being in Omaha. Within 15 seconds I was fully drenched from the rain. I ran without an iPod and simply listened to the thunder and rain. I ran through all the puddles, making sure to splash as much water as I could. Throughout the three miles, I just prayed that I wouldn't get struck by lightning. Alas, here I am, unscathed. But what an incredible run. Although, I'm quite positive my shoes individually weighed 20 pounds each by the end of the run.

On a completely unrelated note, today I was looking at my calender and realized something on my "to-do" I didn't write down. So I did what I needed to do, then wrote it down on my calendar and crossed it out. And I still got the satisfaction of writing it on the "to-do" list and crossing it out.

Midnight snacks

2010-08-31T00:17:00.000-05:00

Just around bed time, I get this HUGE craving for something to eat. Unfortunately, it's something you really shouldn't eat before bed. It generally is peanut butter or chocolate or both. But recently it has been stringed cheese.

Moral dilemmas that I just can't deal with.

Totes can't stop watching this

2010-08-29T00:36:00.001-05:00

Thanks to Natasha, I've been watching this video for the past month. Hilar.

Ramblings on a Friday night

2010-08-27T23:18:00.002-05:00

So I was reaching my goal of 100 followers by the end of the year. I was at 49 and now I'm at 48. Am I that boring? Am I not meeting your needs? Am I bugging you?

Nonetheless, I honestly don't care. You've clearly learned that I will write whatever comes to my mind for the day and such. Thanks for trying.

In other news, I have slept nearly eight hours per night this entire week and I feel like I haven't slept at all. Regardless, the first week of my second year of law school had me feeling optimistic about the year. I almost didn't recognize myself. But reality and responsibility is setting in and I find myself enthusiastically pessimistic once again. I'm glad a good dose of reality and reason is coming back to me.

Funny story. I was sitting in Creighton Chamber Choir on Wednesday, excited to be singing again. We went around the room introducing ourselves. One by one, "Hi. I'm _________. I'm a freshman." Holy hell.

Then my turn. "Hi. I'm Zach. I'm a second year law and masters student. I did my undergrad at BYU."

Umm... hello. I felt so old. So creeper almost. I mean, the kid next to me was 18. When I was a senior, he was in fourth grade! I suddenly felt like that old kid who keeps on coming back to high school because he can't give up the glory days or something. Do I just need to give up the dream? Nah. My voice needs the experience. Plus, I was made a Tenor 1 this year, which is pretty exciting to me considering that I am usually Tenor 2 (which I'm still very loyal to). Why do I find it so exciting? Well, I mostly just like the challenge of hitting all those high notes. And the fact that I'm the oldest in the choir and singing the highest men's part has something fulfilling about it. I mean, doesn't it sound fulfilling?

Wow, I feel like I'm rambling and writing in my journal. Except, if I wrote this in my journal and re-read it I'd think, "wow, I seriously had nothing better to write about?" I will probably think the same thing when I visit my blog next time to post. And you'll probably stop following me to. After which, I'll have no more readers and my blog will stay here readerless and alone.

In other random news, my fingers smell like curry and I'm in bed before midnight on a Friday night. I'd say I'm calling it quits after this ridiculous post.

GTL Hypothesis

2010-08-25T16:22:00.002-05:00

Today as I was at the gym, I was thinking "I wonder how many people are GTL-ing right now." I have never watched the television show "Jersey Shore" where the GTL concept has originated. For others who have stayed away from this monstrosity, GTL means "Gym, Tan, Laundry." But even without watching the show, it seems to have become a sensation in pop culture.

I am just wondering if some university out there has done a study to find out if Jersey Shore's influence has resulted in a better smelling, more fit, and more-inclined-to-skin-cancer society.

One of you UC-schools, I can totally see you doing a study on this. I already gave you the hypothesis, so do the work for me and let me know how it goes.

Also, can you check if it's resulted in an increase in hair gel sales and a decrease in intelligence from television viewers?

Much appreciated.

Too Late

2010-08-24T23:24:00.003-05:00

Don't you hate those days when you buy something, find it cheaper somewhere else, and then realize you waited too long and you can't return it?

Well, within a matter of 24 hours of buying something online, I found the exact same thing 10 dollars cheaper. But by that point it was too late to do anything about it.

So I made a friend of mine buy it so I didn't feel quite so bad. Obviously, I still feel bad about it since I'm blogging about it now. But this a coping strategy. So back off beeotch.

I'm a creeper

2010-08-23T21:52:00.002-05:00

Our internet is down. Luckily, I have friends willing enough to let me use their connection. When I arrived at their apartment, no one answered. I knocked again. Then I slowly open the door and walked in and yelled "hello." Still no answer, so I sat down on the couch in silence. I then realized I couldn't get online because the internet was password protected. So there I sat.

I decided the least creepy thing to do was to text one of the individuals who resides here. I texted "I'm inside your house. I feel like a creeper." I figure that by admitting that I felt like a creeper, I was less of a creeper.

Then their automatic air freshener spouted off some mist and I nearly wet myself. But obviously, things have come around, as I'm writing this blog post.

Life of a 2L

2010-08-22T22:42:00.002-05:00

With the start of a new school year, I can't believe that I've been in Omaha for an entire year now. I remember how overwhelmed I was my first day (week, month, months) of classes and surprisingly as I write this, I don't have that "Sunday-night-dreading-Monday-anxiety" going on. And as crazy as this semester is going to be with student organizations, 17 credits, church callings and activities, and work, I'm excited to be back in the swing of things.

Here's to the life of a 2L.

Wannabe

2010-08-21T01:23:00.002-05:00

Today was one of those "foot-in-mouth" experiences. Or should I say, "shirt-in-mouth." I don't even know what you would call it.

Here's the story. The past two days I have been helping with the first year orientation as a mentor for incoming students. Do I give sound advice? Probably not. Am I good for giving academic advise? Once again, probably not. Do I say it the way I see it? Definitely. Well, actually that's not even the story.

Here's the real story. Today I was walking to "The Foundation" Bar for our first FAC (Friday After Class)--the usual "drink special and food" for the law students. Of course, drink special for me means, unlimited Diet Coke (hells yes). So, I was texting someone as I was walking and some kid seemed to be just looking at me and asked "are you going to The Foundation?" Since I just happened to be going there, of course I said, "yes." And asked "are you?" He certainly was.

Then in his timidity of a 1L voice he asked if I too was a 1L. "No, I replied, I'm a 2L." I felt rather proud. But I almost wanted to ask "did you not see me giving out name tags this morning and remember me yesterday being absolutely annoying in attempting to be enthusiastic when asking if all of your information was correct on the student-directory-stalker-book?" But me, having a heart and being kind and gentle on occasion, resisted.

As I was walking, he noticed that I was wearing a Harvard Swimming t-shirt. "Did you go to Harvard?" he asked.

"No I actually swam at BYU." I replied.

"Oh."

"Oh?!" I thought. Hm. I then asked where he was from. "Yeah, I just moved back home," he replied.

"I see, where did you go to undergrad?" I asked.

"Harvard," he replied.

Aren't I a freaking dumbass wannabe? I felt very... I don't know. Dumbfounded. Ridiculous. I can't really pick the word.

On a side note, everyone seemed to noticed how fit I looked in the shirt. Although, grey was a BAD choice in this humidity and inside the hot bars. I don't think I'll be pulling that shirt out for a while.

Top Ten LDS Hymns

2010-08-19T01:48:00.003-05:00

Tonight is yet another night where I am wide-awake, my mind all over the place just dying to fall asleep. So I found something to occupy my time until I get tired. And for the first time in a long while, this is a serious post. This doesn't happen so often, so bask in the moment.

When Chris and I went to Utah a few weeks ago, I asked him what his top ten LDS hymns were. We decided that was nearly impossible to figure out in the car without a hymnal. So Chris took it upon himself to make a spreadsheet of all the hymns. From that point, we both had three rounds to decide our favorite hymns.

Now, don't get me wrong, this was incredibly difficult, especially since some of the words of the hymns are totally beautiful while the melodies to the hymns are horrendous (in my not-so-humble opinion). So, this is a list of my favorite hymns, including both the lyrics and the music. In the end, Chris and I had two of our top ten hymns in common. I have put asterisks next to the hymns we shared in common. However, these hymns are in no particular order.

#26 - Joseph Smith's First Prayer

#62 - All Creatures of Our God and King

#113 - Our Savior's Love

#129 - Where Can I Turn for Peace?

#166 - Abide with Me! ***

#181 - Jesus of Nazareth, Savior and King

#197 - O Savior, Thou Who Wearest a Crown

#220 - Lord, I Would Follow Thee

#293 - Each Life That Touches Ours for Good***

#300 - Families Can Be Together Forever

Isn't it amazing how hymns can impact people different ways?

If you get the chance, comment on your top 10 hymns. I'm curious to know what yours are and if we share any in common.

Rosh & Z's Rhyming Minutes

2010-08-18T22:30:00.002-05:00

Rachelle

get off your ath.

10:26pmMe

and do some math!

10:27pmRachelle

get out of my path.

10:27pmMe

or you'll suffer my wrath

10:27pmRachelle

with all you hath

10:28pmMe

you need to take a bath

10:28pmRachelle

you're an idiopath

10:29pmMe

it's as uncomfortable as a cath...eter

Reality

2010-08-17T22:24:00.002-05:00

Now that I'm actually trying to accomplish things on my "to-do" from the entire summer break, I realized that I have A LOT to do. And I'm having this internal struggle because I want to be able to sleep in on my final days of freedom.

So, in coming to this realization, I'm just adding more to the "to-do" list so I get everything I needed to initially get done completed and a few other things to stress me out on the side.

Back to reality. But I need it. Bad. I'd say it's a win.

Home

2010-08-16T02:03:00.005-05:00

I've got some damn good friends everywhere I go. I was pretty excited to head back to Nebraska a few weeks ago, but after having a farewell barbeque with a few close friends, I was slightly dreading it. Then to add my last family Sunday dinner with my mom's cooking and a day with my immediate family, it was definitely adding to the difficulty in leaving.

But Mindy picked me up from the airport at 11:30 PM (despite a little mishap) and Stephen let me use his shower at 1:30 AM (when he has his first day of school today) because the blinds were some reason off my bathroom window when I came home (and I didn't want to give everyone a peep show), and I felt right back at home. (Sorry for the effing long run-on and multiple parentheses).

So in my travels from home to home, I realized I'm blessed to have more than one home.

What did you just say?

2010-08-15T00:01:00.005-05:00

Sooooo.. remember my friend Michelle and I recorded "Oh Divine Redeemer" when we rehearsed it and put it on YouTube? I posted it around Easter a year ago. Well, at the beginning, Michelle and I had a little chuckle. I mostly put it on YouTube so my parents could see it. Plus, why wouldn't I want the whole world to see it too?

Unsurprisingly, someone found the video and wrote, "The laughing at the beginning ruined the whole effect of this highly emotional song." WTF?! Calm down lady. Out of the whole song, that's what you got out of it? Needless to say, I was irate.

So, in reply I wrote "The comment you posted ruined the whole effect of why I even posted this video--this was a rehearsal. So before you complain about how this song was ruined, I suggest you take into consideration the context. If you didn't like the laughing at the beginning, then you shouldn't have watched the whole video. Otherwise, there is still a lot of value to it. Who said that just because we laughed that there wasn't any emotional value?"

Do not start with me woman. Don't start.

"The Lamb of God" Performances

2010-08-14T18:48:00.003-05:00

Remember that production "The Lamb of God" I told you about? You know, the one I recorded for? Well, they are starting live performances! I will not be in the live performances, but it will be an amazing experience nonetheless. From what I understand, there will be one in Arizona, Utah and Orange County, California.

Arizona, you're up first. Be sure to buy your tickets ASAP. The performances are September 10-11 at ASU Gammage Auditorium. To check out tickets and previews of the recording click here.

Hope you can make it!

There is One in Every Group

2010-08-11T08:58:00.003-05:00

This is quite possibly the earliest I've blogged after waking up in the morning, so that must mean it is really important to me. Actually, it's not really important but per usual some has irritated me already.

So there I was running at the track while my mom was walking and this woman comes running past me in the opposite direction. I think "oh, she must be meeting someone here." But then half a lap later, I saw this runner again continuing in the wrong direction. And then over the next two miles, I had to run past her twice each lap, looking right at her and thinking "why the hell do you have to go in the opposite direction when the other 20 people at the track are all going in the correct direction?"

To add to that, this woman was holding a green handkerchief and was trying to use it as a fan while she was running. Honey, it's going to get to 108 degrees today. Waving your damn hanky while running outside in the Arizona heat will not cool you down. But if you ran in the correct direction, likely you'd be able to feel the breeze on the north side of the track hit your face. But no.

Toothpick

2010-08-11T01:37:00.004-05:00

I've never really understood what it takes to go swimming without working out. Honestly, I have not the slightest clue what to do. I just end up sitting there, rather bored. I suppose it goes from all those years when I was competitively swimming and people would say "Let's go swimming." Deep down inside I thought "hell no." And if I did go, I was bored out of my effing mind.

But I was introduced to quite possibly the most amazing game since sharks and minnows--Toothpick. Have you played it? If not, here's how it goes: Someone places a toothpick at the bottom of the pool. In order to win, the person who sees the toothpick must yell "toothpick" and be able to dive in and immediately grab the toothpick. I kid you not, it is incredible for a backyard pool.

The most epic part of the evening? Kellie jumping in the water on the inflatable whale to grab the toothpick.

Thanks to an awesome evening of toothpick friends!

Status Updates

2010-08-09T23:34:00.003-05:00

If you update your status more than twice a day, you may want to think of getting Twitter. I mean, I guess I could hide you on my newsfeed, but then I wouldn't have anything to gossip about.

You Could Say People Know Me

2010-08-08T02:58:00.003-05:00

Tonight I went to the Diamondbacks game with all the men in the family for BYU Alumni night. As I was walking up the stairs with a giant tray of nachos, I overheard someone say "that kid swims for BYU." I was wearing a BYU shirt, but it didn't say "swimming" anywhere on it. I couldn't find who said it and I'm assuming if they knew me, they would have said hello.

It's good to know people know me... gives me a little ego boost. And that I'm still associated with BYU swimming, even though it's been well over two years since my career has been over. So thank you "not-so-inconspicuous-Diamondbacks-fan," you made my day.

Donate Life

2010-08-07T13:09:00.004-05:00

I recently had a conversation with the Peterson's and Smith's about organ donation. I've been wanting to do it for quite some time and today I finally registered. It look less than three minutes.

So, I encourage you to do likewise and register to donate your organs should you die. For my Arizonan friends, check out the Arizona Donor Registry. I suggest my Nebraska and Utah (my other high readership areas) register now. And well, if you're outside these states. You should still register.

The Books We Read

2010-08-07T12:59:00.002-05:00

"I gave her this book about why she should leave her husband," a friend of mine said.

"Oh really, what book? 'He's Just Not That Into You?'" I replied.

Seemed only fitting, right?

No words...

2010-08-07T01:27:00.002-05:00

To describe the hilarity of this.

My old high school does me proud.

Oh, incoming 1Ls.. You Have NO Idea

2010-08-06T02:37:00.003-05:00

Nothing says "welcome" better than writing an email to incoming 1Ls. My best friend Molly and I just happen to be mentors for about eight incoming students and we have decided to impart our wisdom to them. It's the least we could do, considering they have NO idea what they are getting themselves into. To give them some dose of reality and hilarity mixed into one bit, Molly and I chose to write them an email. I just thought I'd share with you this email, considering that it reads more like a blog post than a letter.

Lucky for you, you’ve been given the best mentors available. Molly and I are super excited to have you in our group and we look forward to helping you in any way that we can. For example, Molly has kindly gathered together her notes and outlines for you and we will have them available for you during orientation next week. Because Molly is more of the brains than I am, I will be able to bring baked goods for you throughout the semester.

Molly and I can give you all sorts of advice about being a first year law student during orientation, but if you have any immediate concerns, you can email us or call us to ask questions. Ideas for questions include, but are not limited to:

1. Should I use secondary commercial study materials? (DEFINITELY)
2. Is Section A better than Section B? (Given)
3. Are there any colors that I should avoid wearing? (Yes, don’t wear red on Mondays, Wednesdays, or Fridays—we’ll explain why later)
4. Are there any quotes that have motivated to help you get through law school? (Yes, “At this point, going to law school is like starting to smoke. It’s expensive, it’s probably going to kill you, and it’s a stupid life decision. But some people just don’t care.”)

To tell you a little about Molly and I. Everyone thinks that we’re dating, but we’re not. We’re just BFFs. Molly is from Papillion, NE and graduated from Nebraska Wesleyan in Political Science. She hates nature in its natural environment but loves having nature in her house, which is why she has 3 dogs and a 30-gallon fish tank. As for me, I’m from Mesa, AZ and graduated from Brigham Young University in Communications. I drink a Diet Coke in my first class everyday and have been guilty of using the word “floozy” when being called on in class."

Inspiring to say the least, am I right. So hop in and join us!

Revampification

2010-08-05T03:25:00.002-05:00

Operation "Update the Blog" looks as if it is finished. I now believe I have listed all of my favorite blogs while attempting to make the blog more aesthetically pleasing to the eye. I hope I haven't overdone it with the flashes of ketchup and mustard across the blog, but I felt as if the colors did a bit more justice to my whole theme.

Let me know your thoughts. Because honestly, you're the ones who for some reason read my ridiculousness.

A Must Read

2010-08-04T19:31:00.002-05:00

I tend to avoid books that would involve anything regarding law school during summer break. Especially with only a few weeks left. But I saw this book in Costco the other day and I had to buy it. And now, I'm totally loving it. To any of my Con Law scholars or anyone just wanting to spice up your Supreme Court life, be sure to read this goodness:

You won't regret it.

Unquotables

2010-08-04T19:15:00.002-05:00

You know what really irks me when I'm stalking Facebook profiles? People who quote themselves. I mean, c'mon folks, get over yourself. You're not Aristotle, Socrates, or RW Emerson. Write a book. Put it on a blog. But please don't ever put "'[Look how genius or thoughtful or amazing I am based on what is between these quotation marks]'-Yours freakin' truly." BFD. So you said something that sounds great. Who cares if you think it sounds great? Get your validation from someone else quoting it. I think there is a rule that you can only be quoted by someone else. If that isn't a rule, it should be. So, according to me, you are not allowed to quote yourself on your Facebook profile.

In related news, I notice that my Facebook stalking skills are ever increasing. When I find a profile of someone I don't really know, but am intrigued to stalk them, I hope and pray that they have an open profile. I just love it when people are so open about their lives via Facebook... or aren't smart enough to place more privacy settings on their account.

I'd call it even

2010-08-02T22:44:00.003-05:00

Laura:

I used to be a very social person

you'd never know, based on last year though

me:

well, I'm very social and my grades didn't show I was smart

so we're even

I am BYU Football

2010-08-02T22:06:00.004-05:00

Words cannot describe how excited I am for BYU Football. Every year, I get all giddy inside thinking about it. I honestly have this huge feeling of jealousy when I think I won't be at the actual football game. And it KILLS me that Creighton doesn't have a football team.

So needless to say, I had to buy my 2010 BYU Football shirt when I made my short little jaunt to Utah this past weekend. Don't you love it?

Oh, and can I also mention how excited I am for the BYU v. Creighton basketball game this year?

Wedding party downsize

2010-08-02T00:19:00.003-05:00

I've got some serious issues with this photo I ran across while Facebook stalking today:

Who the hell needs 15 groomsmen? That's like 12 too many. And what's with the seven groomsmen not having a bridemaid pair, the unevenness is killing me. This picture is not aesthetically pleasing because it is not balanced. I mean, even if the real groomsmen are the ones paired with bridesmaids, that's like 6 too many. I mean, seriously kids, I can only see this being realistic if you both came from large fams and wanted all your sibs to be part of the wedding party. That's a whole 'nother story.

But at this point, why on earth would you need that many people to be in this damn pictures. There are so many people, the only way I can recognize the people in the picture is to make it jumbo-tron size and hang it by those 15 effing ugly skinny ties.

So, word to the wise... please keep your bridesmaids and groomsmen to a minimum. It is a wedding, not some school dance where all of your friends are in a giant group together. Do not worry about offending people if they aren't asked to be part of the wedding party, that's what a freaking reception is for.

Oh man, yet another reason I will never completely understand the young married Mormon subculture. Yet another reason I'm preferring the single one.

How would you spend your break?

2010-07-29T09:43:00.004-05:00

What better way to spend a Summer Break than going to your Alma Mater and sitting in class with one of your best friends.

Yep, here I am. 8:30 AM on a Thursday morning sitting in Marriage Prep. Yeah, to all you non-BYUers (specifically my Creighton classmates), going to BYU has a number of religious and family classes. They're pretty fantastic classes actually, but I've definitely forgot what it was like.

The professor has a Powerpoint presentation (holy hell, I haven't seen one of those in a while) and we're talking about blended families. All I want is a blended smoothie from Jamba Juice. Instead, I'm drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper. I feel so... rebellious. If you didn't know caffeinated beverages are nowhere to be found on the BYU campus. But that never stopped me when I was here for undergrad.

Oh the memories.

Blog Controversy--You know, the usual

2010-07-27T00:23:00.003-05:00

I recently came across a blog of some BYU students soon to be married. It just so happens that they direct quoted one of my best friend's blogs from BYU, when she said "I am not recently engaged and want to write down disgusting facts about my upcoming wedding, or how I just LOVE my new fiance that I just met two seconds ago. Sorry to let you down." THEY DIRECT QUOTED IT in the "about me" of the blog.

I thought I should return the favor in hopes that you will come across this blog and only support what was said. So, my engaged friends--well, actually your not friends, I don't even know you, I was just blog stalking--she isn't the only one to have this mentality. Us single Momo's have a place in this blogging world as well and can be as cynical as we want. Looking at your blog made me want to vomit.

I'm happily single. And even if I was in a relationship, I probably wouldn't bore you with all the deets.

Late night eating.

2010-07-26T00:37:00.002-05:00

I've gotten up at every commercial break expecting something to show up in my parent's fridge or pantry. Unsurprisingly, nothing new has showed up. I will probably be checking again very soon. I will let you know if anything changes.

Ame-sizzle & I

2010-07-24T01:47:00.002-05:00

Once upon a time in ninth grade choir, I had a choir director that desired for us to become a show choir. So, that meant doing some lame-ass dancing with some horrific choreography while singing the interesting songs. We were put in boy-girl partners. My partner was Amy. Amy and I didn't talk to each other. I thought she hated me. She thought I hated her. We just didn't talk. All those rehearsals and not a damn word.

In the middle of our second semester, we had pictures taken along with those "buddy" pictures. Well, Amy and I had mutual friends so naturally we were both in the picture. The photographer tried to get Amy and I to stand next to each other, but Amy wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole. I need to find the picture. She is about as close to me as Alaska is to the mainland US.

Since that point, times have changed. Somehow Amy and I turned out to be best of friends, despite our strange and deep loathing for one another. In fact, Amy is one of the few close friends I have now from high school. The rest just kind of moved on or just aren't involved in my life.

Who is this Amy person you ask? Well, between the two of us, we can be heard miles away. She cackles and I... laugh loud. And everyone is jealous of us. Why wouldn't they be?

Fighting Jesuses

2010-07-22T01:19:00.004-05:00

A few years ago, a friend of mine attending Princeton asked a former teammate of mine the following question: "What is BYU's mascot?"

My teammates reply? "Jesus."

And she believed her. For over a week.

Four Top Sunday Events

2010-07-21T01:01:00.005-05:00

This past Sunday reminded me why I love going to my home congregation when I come home to visit. Generally I sing in my home congregation, but that is never a highlight of the meeting. This week I witnessed four amazingly interesting things:

1) Biggest cockroach of my life crawling by the pews. I kid you not, it was at least the length of my middle finger, if not longer. It was disgusting. My dad, me, and my friend Chris all were staring at it. There it was crawling in the middle of the deacons passing the sacrament. An old man sitting behind us took one for the team, smashed it with his shoe, and picked it up with his hanky. So much for staying reverent during the sacrament.

2) I am obsessed with this couple in my ward based on their musical ability. They shall remain nameless. But if you know my ward, it's not a hard guess. Anyways, they have a child who could out-sing an entire congregation. I think he's only five or six years old. Jealous.

3) "Get the hell out" said over the pulpit. I almost wrote "hell was said in church." Well, DUH.

4) The cutest eight year old blond, chomping on her gum, going up to be introduced to the ward after she was baptized. No seriously. I hope I have adorable children.

Inadequate Faucet

2010-07-18T19:00:00.002-05:00

I noticed I haven't bitched in a while about something, so here goes.

Have you ever washed your hands and the faucet is too close to the sink? I think you know what I mean. You can't really get your hands under the faucet and you end up fighting to get your hands even slightly wet. I mean, come on folks, there definitely was some poor planning when those faucets were installed. Don't you want us to practice good hygiene?

So I beg of you, as an advocate for a better smelling and in hopes of less germs being passed, please place your faucets more efficiently.

Speaking of stopping the spread of germs, I love this new commercial that encourages people to use a Kleenex when sneezing to stop the spread of germania.